Friday, May 4, 2012

Pigs (Three Different Ones)

1. He finally has his hands on the latest issue. It is two days late. During that time his frustration at not knowing what his favourite celebrities did or said has become almost unbearable. Walking away from the convenience store where he purchased it, he crumples the receipt and throws it to the ground and begins reading while walking.

2. She is with a couple of friends at a nice Asian restaurant on the outskirts of Chinatown. How cool to eat where the locals eat. Her friends talk loud enough for everyone two restaurants away to hear. That's fine though, she thinks, their accent is so awesome and so desirable that naturally everyone would really want to hear about their extraordinary lives. She beckons to the waitress, with that beaming smile of hers, and gestures that they need another set of chopsticks. Her friends look at each other with the same thought in their heads - can they not count here? When the waitress arrives with the utensils she puts on her most saccharine voice and asks in Mandarin if they could please have some chili too. How cool that she can speak with English with an accent AND Mandarin. They must be so impressed with her here.

3. He is 3 kilometres into his 8 kilometre run when the personal trainer steps onto the treadmill next to him.

"Hi, is your name Bunka?"

(Panting) "No, it isn't."

"Because I looked on the list of people who signed up, and there was only one non-Chinese name there. Are you sure your name is not Bunka?"

(Panting) "Yes, quite sure."

"So how is your workout today?"

(Panting) "Please excuse me, I'd like to concentrate on running. Maybe we can talk later?"

(Offended) "Oh, alright then. Sure. Please enjoy your, um, jogging."

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